You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September, 2008.
I’ve always known that I could handle whatever comes my way — well, almost always — but I’ve discovered that I preferred it when I had the help and support of a spouse. Dealing with a flood in my place after the upstairs neighbor’s diswasher hose popped is not fun. Neither is living with 5 heavy duty fans and 3 industrial strength de-humidifiers for 5 days. When I tried to read the newspaper at the kitchen table this morning it was like trying to read it at the beach with a 20 mph wind blowing. The guy who installed it all said it would be like having an indoor hurricane — I thought he was exaggerating! As I open packages (food), I have to hold down the wrap or the small pieces or they blow all over the kitchen. Good grief! Yes, maybe it is good grief — I miss having Joe here to talk with, to problem solve with, to help, just to have him nearby. I wish he were here, and an incident like this intensifies that wish, but I am getting used to dealing with things by myself — don’t like it, but I can do it.
I seem to be stuck on a computer theme — last night and tonight I have been struggling with my internet connection — at least 6 computers in this house and no way to get on the net. My computer knowledge is kind of at the level of semi-literate, so I rebooted, I unplugged and plugged back in, I checked all the cables and the connections — still no internet. Next step: call a friend who knows computers back to front and inside out. He diagnosed that it was probably the provider’s problem; give them a call. The tech asked me a zillion questions and began to give me directions as to what to do. As I am trying to juggle the phone, sixteen hundred cables and the laptop, I pushed the disconnect button on the phone. !#?*!*!! I manage to get back to another tech who gives me additional instructions (this time I am smart enough to put the phone down as I manipulate cables and power sources. Ta-da! I have internet. However, this is on a cable directly from the router to my laptop — It is not in my office, which is connected by yet more cables and gadgets, nor am I getting my wireless connection. I played around some more with the boxes and cables and connections and solidify the direct connection — yay! — and am imagining that it is the wireless router which is at the ’root’ of the problem of the lack of connection in the other room (my office) or by wireless. Since I have a connection, though, here I am online and I’ve checked my email. This will work for now and tomorrow (or the next day, or the next) I will tackle the rest of the problem.
Monday I installed Dragon Naturally Speaking (word recognition and writing program) onto the tiny computer. Yesterday I “trained” it and started to write my client notes by speaking into the computer. So far, I guess, I haven’t trained it very well. Although it is amazing when it gets things right, it is very frustrating when it does not understand me. I think I have used the commands “scratch that,” “correct that,” and “spell that” more than I have dictated text!! I can see some progress, especially with the phrases I use often. When we get to those, the machine is right on almost all the time and pretty rapid. I am discovering that I don’t say the consonants F, B, H and N very clearly and I tend to let final consonants fade away (you realize that when the computer writes “ten” and you said “tent” or you say “had” and it writes “ad”. Right now I could probably type in my notes faster than speaking them, but I will keep working on it, and, hopefully, I will soon be able to talk into the computer efficiently. In the meantime, it is mostly fun, (especially when what the computer types sounds sort of like what you said but it isn’t quite right) with some frustration mixed in.
The tiny computer arrived on Wed night. I lo-o-ve it! I took it to my practicum the next day and it ran for about 5 hours on its battery. I’ve never had a laptop or notebook that would go that long. I took notes while my supervising MD saw patiients. [several people stopped to ask about it because it is so cute.] It seems to do everything I want it to. The one annoying thing is that the right space key is out of place and I keep doing a ‘page up’ instead getting an upper case letter. The screen is clear and, even with my aging eyes, I can see the screen without having to lean closer. Just found another annoyance — somehow when I type an upper case ‘I’ a piece of text is highlighted and disappears. I think that the keys are very sensitive and I must brush over some other key that activates the delete stuff. As long as I am careful whenever I type ‘I’ things go along okay. It really is lightweight and easy to carry around, and the power cord (transformer) is much smaller and lighter than other regular size notebooks. A friend came over this evening and set up wireless network for me, so I am good to go. Next challenge is to “train” Dragon Naturally Speaking so that I can speak notes into it. DNS is installed but not set up. My project for the week.
It has been more than six months since Joe died. Today my feelings about his death came a little closer, clearer maybe, certainly in my face. The husband half of a husband and wife pair of choir members died yesterday. He had been ill for awhile, and his death was not unexpected. Nevertheless, my own sadness is being roiled up. Saying “I miss Joe” does not describe the feeling I carry around with me constantly. There is an emptiness that cannot be described. I am doing all — well, most — of the things that need to be done, but there is a sense of detachment, a sense of being removed from, a feeling of being not all here or missing some essential part of me. This makes it very hard to interact with others. It’s not so much that I want to talk about Joe or my grief; it’s more that I don’t have anything else in my brain to talk about. It is a real effort to hold a conversation. Somehow, that doesn’t help me be very good at socializing. I know that this will pass and not only will life go on, it will be good, but right now that doesn’t seem possible. I guess my head knows but my gut hasn’t caught up with it yet. I keep telling myself that I am ready to feel better. I guess I’m getting a little deaf as I age because I don’t seem to be hearing it. And I am damned annoyed that I can help others through their grief, but don’t seem to be able to help myself. Thank God for my wonderful therapist! She helps me get through this tumultuous time. And at the same time, I am angry that she is about to go on maternity leave. Here’s where my gut is loud and clear — **how dare she have a baby when I need her!! ** Good thing my head knows that it is okay to have irrational feelings!! The pragmatist part of me pokes through at this point and assures me that everything will work out — it always has; not always the way I wanted or expected it to work out, but somehow things work out. Now, if it would only happen yesterday . . . “God, grant me patience; and I want it right now!”
This week was pretty hectic. When I finished my last client, I called the massage school to try to get a massage, and, miracle of all miracles, they had an opening in 10 minutes. Since I was only 10 minutes away, I jumped on it — and to it. WOW! I needed that. The weekend should go much better after having a treat like that.
I am very excited! A good friend just showed me a teeny tiny notebook computer (9″ screen,) and told me about its slightly larger brother (10″ screen.) It seems to do everything that my regular size notebook does and may even be faster. The price is under $500, and I am hooked. I hope to put Dragon Naturally Speaking on it and be able to speak my patient notes into it. The battery is touted to last 7.5 hours and the speakers are reviewed as awesome. Ready, set, go!
Over the weekend I flew to San Diego for a workshop. It wasn’t the best one I’ve attended, but it was pretty good. The travel – yuck! on the way out things went pretty well except for being stopped at security because I forgot to take my emergency knife out of my suitcase and I was trying to carry-on all my (2) bags. Back to the counter and check in the roll-aboard. When I came back through, my hair clip made the thing beep — it hadn’t 10 minutes before that. Oh, well, take out the hair clip, put it in the dish and try again. Whew! Success!
Returning, I was scheduled to fly through San Francisco, then on to Atlanta, and lastly, home. The flight from San Diego to San Francisco was delayed almost 2 hours because of the storms caused by hurricane Hannah in DC. good grief… well, grief, at least. Missed the connection for the red-eye to Atlanta. almost made it. Ran from the United terminal to the Delta terminal just in time to hear the last call for boarding; I didn’t even have a boarding pass and all the ticket desks were closed (11 pm Sunday night.) They even let me through security *sans* boarding pass — accompanied — but the plane was gone. *sigh* Walk back to United to reschedule. Of course, no more flights until morning. The one really great thing was that United gave out vouchers for hotel stays without any hassle. My new flight was to leave at 6 am, so I got about 4 hours sleep in a very comfy bed — much nicer than the floor of the airport terminal — and I even remembered to ask for a toothbrush at the front desk.
Back to the airport where there are lines everywhere for everything. I try the e-ticket computer check-in which tells me I need “special attention, please go to manned kiosk.” Back in line. By now I’m wondering if I’m going to make my flight. One of the attendants then calls out for anyone taking my flight, and I get moved up to the front of the line. Yeah! Get my boarding passes and head for the gate. More lines. I ask someone if I can make my 6:00 flight and am assured, no problem. A few minutes later, another attendant comes along and asks if anyone is leaving before 6:15 and I say, “my flight is at 6,” whereupon I am led to the VIP line which is empty but ribboned off at the end. I wait. And wait. Suddenly I see the young guy I had been talking to in the regular line. He calls to me and we laugh that he has made it to the search point before me. I look around and it looks like no one is coming to let me through any time soon, so I lift the ribbon and my *friend* lets me ahead of him. I put my stuff in the bins, take off my shoes and my hair clip, and walk through the beeper. Miracle of miracles — no beep. But — the TSA person says, “step this way. You’ve been chosen for extra scrutiny.” Yep, I’m Granny Frani, looking like a potential terrorist. Back through the screener and into the puffy drug detector arbor. Pass that test and it’s on to the table where they are going through my bags. The TSA guy casually asks why I came through the closed ribbon. It all comes clear — I got their attention because I went under the ribbon. I bite back the caustic remark that almost cleared the tip of my tongue and patiently explain how I had waited in the speedy lane until the person who had been in front of me in the regular line showed up ahead of me, etc. He made some remark about not going through closed places, and I bit my tongue again as he waved me through. I got to the gate where they were making the final calls for boarding and GOT ON THE PLANE. The rest of the flight was mercifully uneventful. However, when I went to pick up my bag (that I had not planned to check in the first place, remember?) — no sign of my bag. And then I hear what you never want to hear while you are waiting for your baggage — my name being paged to baggage customer service. They regret to tell me that my bag did not make it on the plane. They are very polite, very helpful, very agreeable, but my bag is not here, and it won’t be until tomorrow morning when they will bring it to me. (No, thank you, I don’t want to come back at midnight to pick it up.) At least my car keys were in my pocketbook and not the suitcase! With trepidation I drove home hoping that nothing more would glitch. Made it.
Tomorrow I am flying to San Diego for a conference. Hours on the plane when I can read junk and not feel even a twinge of guilt. Then Saturday crammed with seminars on hospital psychology (I don’t think it’s boring!! – my way to escape thinking about my stuff – keep really busy. But this busy is fun, too, and, I guess, because it is away from home, even more of an escape — can’t possibly clean out that closet, do paperwork or, Heaven forbid!, wash the floor. Hooray for continuing education requirements!
